How To Decide When You Have The Right To Choose

Date Published: 05/23/2009

When President Barack Obama delivered the commencement address at Notre Dame University, not only did it put the abortion controversy in the center of public attention again, but his speech, which he seems to have intended to calm the waters, did not satisfy the activists on either side of the issue. Besides the debate over what should be public policy on abortion, this also raised questions about the role of religious, moral and personal principles in a democratic political arena. Should the majority’s values always prevail? Do any fundamental principles inform the rule of law regardless of popular opinion? When there are irreconcilable disagreements, can people find a way to seek some common ground or find a way to discuss the ambiguities and complexities that come with real, personal experiences?

In thirty-four years of ordained ministry, I have been confronted with the issues around abortion on a personal level much more often than in the arena of public policy. When people (women, girls, couples, teens, parents) come to me at the time of an unwelcome or problematic pregnancy, they never ask, “What do I/we have the right to do legally?” They don’t often even ask, “What is morally right or what is God’s will?” Rather, they ask me to help guide them through the most excruciating decision making process of their lives. To say either, “You have the right to choose,” or “Abortion is a mortal sin,” is an unhelpful cop out.

While I strongly believe in and encourage prayer and drawing on the Bible, taking a “Have you prayed about this?” or “What would Jesus do?” or unloading proof-text Bible verses is counterproductive and harmful. Instead, I try to help people explore the tensions and conflicts in their inner principles and emotions. I try to help them find a solid spiritual core that can sustain them as they deal with the turmoil and uncertainty that comes regardless of how they decide. I try to help them make a decision they can live with in light of their relationship with God.

When people are facing such traumatic decisions, they are often afraid that whatever they decide will be wrong or impossible to live with. Sometimes they say they will “do whatever the pastor says” to avoid having to make their own decision, which also means the pastor get blamed when it gets difficult later. I try to respond to these fears by encouraging faith. I will ask, “What can you decide, trusting God for whatever comes afterward?” Rather than a rule based moral code, I encourage building on what Paul wrote in Romans 14:23, “Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Conversely, “Faith is reckoned as righteousness.” (Romans 4:5; see also Genesis 15:6; Psalm 106:31; Romans 4; Galatians 3:6; James 2:23)

As such a conversation unfolds, I may ask questions like these. “Can you trust God to give you the strength and wisdom to love a child with Down Syndrome?” “Can you trust God for the mercy of forgiveness and restoration to deal with the regrets after an abortion?” “Can you trust God to give you the grace and freedom to place this child for adoption?” I try not to use such questions manipulatively but to strengthen people’s faith in God for all circumstances and to trust the Holy Spirit to guide people who sincerely want to make their decisions based on their Christian faith.

Of course, not everyone asks with that sincere desire. Some want the pastor’s blessing for what they’ve already decided. Some want the pastor to tell them something they can reject to express their anger either in their situation or a deeper animosity toward God or the Church. Some make no pretense of faith and may come to a pastor to placate a parent or to get financial assistance. In such cases, stating a position is really a waste of effort anyway.

None of this is to say I don’t have convictions that I intend to be based on a biblical ethic. Discussing those principles and the nuances of how to “choose life” (Deuteronomy 30:19) is appropriate and instructive in a classroom or discussion group but quite different than the messy, emotion charged context of helping people make what may be the most traumatic, life altering decision they will ever face. Within the Church, I wish I could shift the conversations about abortion from public policy to helping people decide how to choose from a core of faith.