Definition of Marriage

Date Published: 05/28/2009

The debate over same-sex marriage that is underway in the United States revolves around civil equal protection issues such as rights of property and inheritance, hospital visitation and medical decision making. Concerns such as social structure and stability and welfare of children come into the discussion but offer little guidance because of their subjectivity. In our secular, pluralistic country, religious principles are necessarily excluded from the legal conversation.

Yet, many weddings are performed by clergy in the context of religious ceremonies. Every religion teaches about marriage in a way that is intrinsic to its understanding of divine purpose for humans. Perhaps the public debate over same-sex marriage can draw Christians into enlightening conversation and more profound understanding of marriage theology, without necessarily agreeing with each other about public policy.

I think a candid acknowledgement that the traditions and customs that English speaking, North American Christians associate with wedding and marriage are not found in the Bible is in order. The biblical narrative does not report a single religious wedding ceremony presided over by a religious official, though it does report some wedding celebrations (Jacob with Leah and Rachel in Genesis 29:22 and Jesus turning water into wine at a wedding in Cana from John 2:1-11) The Bible does not speak about a marriage license, though it does mention certificates of divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1; Matthew 5:31) The Hebrew Scriptures routinely report polygamy and concubinage without direct comment, but unflinchingly shows the tensions and conflict that come with it. (Jacob with Leah, Rachel, Zilpah, Bilhah in Genesis 29-30; Solomon’s harem in 1 Kings 11) The Bible makes no mention of Temple, synagogue or church, nor the state sanctioning or regulating marriage, but the cultural customs of time and place are assumed.

Yet the biblical writers do give practical, relational instruction on the value and joy of marriage and on how to treat your spouse. The wonder and delight of Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:23-25 becomes the touchstone for Jesus’ response to easy divorce that devastated women (Matthew 5, 19; Mark 10). Even the Apostle Paul, who some read as anti-marriage, not only tells couples to love each other (Ephesians 5) also told Christians not to divorce their unbelieving spouses (1 Corinthians 7). Though these ancient words still speak to us deeply, we struggle with how best to live by them in the 21st century.

I believe that underlying the diverse examples of marriage and the range of marriage instruction in the Bible is a consistent concept that both radically determines that nature of marriage and is completely outside the bounds of civil law and public policy. That is to see marriage as a sacramental or iconic demonstration of God’s covenant love for the community of faith. The Hebrew Scriptures speak of God as the husband of Israel and Judah, often contrasting God’s faithfulness with the infidelity of the people. (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 3:20; 31:32; Ezekiel 16; Hosea). The New Testament speaks of the Church as the Bride of Christ (Luke 5:34-35; John 3:29; Revelation 19:7-9; 21:2-9; 22:17; Ephesians 5:32)

Of course, this is a metaphor and not systematic theology. Yet, I would suggest that it is not a bare symbol but works at a deeper level in which the sign and that which it signifies are intrinsically connected. I have used the words sacramental and iconic to try to get at this, in the sense that something tangible, in this case the marriage relationship, conveys a spiritual reality. I would hold with the classic definition the Reformers used for sacraments: given by Jesus for the Church in which something tangible conveys a spiritual reality. That works wonderfully for baptism and the Lord’s Supper. While marriage was given by God (not Jesus per se) at creation for all humanity, I would not consider it to be a sacrament (thus I follow Protestant theology). However, I do believe that all marriages, even the marriages of unbelievers, even deeply flawed marriages, do convey albeit imperfectly, something of the spiritual reality of God’s covenant love for the community of faith. In that sense, for those with spiritual awareness, marriage becomes iconic. That is, by looking through the marriage, the spiritual reality beyond can be perceived.

Not only do I not expect public policy about marriage to reflect this sacramental/iconic understanding of marriage. I also don't expect it to resolve the differences of opinion about same-sex marriage among Christians. I don’t want any government nor a secular, pluralistic society to either try to form or dismiss this way of thinking about marriage. Limiting conversation marriage to civil law or moralism only touches the surface of the wonder and joy that is marriage.