Lean Into the Pain

We, all of us who live in the US, have serious unresolved issues with race, violence and law enforcement. To ignore or deny them is to perpetuate them. To fix blame outside of ourselves as though someone else has a problem while we don’t only aggravates and inflames them. I am reminded of a vivid image from Howard E. Butt’s book on spiritual leadership The Velvet Covered Brick, which I have frequently used for pastoral and personal guidance. If when confronted by pain we pull back, we will not avoid it but only have to face it with greater intensity later. However, if we “lean into the pain,” we will resolve issues, grow, and be able to live with strength and joy. The events of the last couple of weeks confront us with the reality of the pain of the unresolved issues of race, violence, and law enforcement. We have a choice. Will we pull back with denial and blame, only to face the pain in greater intensity later, or will we “lean into the pain” by listening to those who see things very differently than we do with a view to understanding why reality looks so different to them than it does to us? As an older, white man, first of all, I must listen carefully to young Black folk with empathy, not criticism. Only then can I expect those who are dramatically different than I am to listen empathetically to me. I will acknowledge that my experience has brought into my life many people of diverse ethnic, cultural, religious and political perspectives. They have enriched and instructed me. I would like to hope many of them would believe I have listened to them empathetically. However, I do not hold myself up as an example for how to do this, only as one who aspires to continue to grow in my old age.